I am a perfectionist. Not a perfectionist as in I need the bed made every morning, or my car and house must be kept tidy, but an unhealthy "I must have things go my way" type of perfectionist.
In my head, I always thought I had to attain this idea of "perfection." I figured if I had the perfect grades, perfect look, and perfect behavior, that would mean that I was a good Christian. I longed for others to think I was perfect, and to hopefully be considered perfect in God's eyes too.
After a while, this quest of perfection started to wear on me, and trying to maintain such an image made me exhausted. I would get spun out of shape when even the tiniest thing wouldn't go as according to my "plans" or made me look any less than "perfect."
I can recall fighting back tears in high school when I glanced at my report card and discovered I had received an 89 in Biology- my first B. How absolutely tragic, right?
The problem with this kind of perfectionism is while I thought I was pleasing God, I was actually bringing dishonor to Him. Instead of trusting in His perfect plan and His perfect ways, I was essentially saying "God, I am wiser than you and know what is going to be best."
While I may have meant well, I missed the whole concept of what being a Christian really means. Despite my constant efforts, I will never even scratch the surface of "perfect" - because only He is!
I do not need to try to BE Christ, but instead do my best to be more LIKE Him! God is fully aware I am a sinner and so far from perfect, yet He forgives and loves me so fiercely anyway.